Heb 12:12-13 “Strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.”

 A.     Reconciliation with God & Others- restoration begins with reconciliation with God,restoring the broken relationship with our Father. Mal 3:7 “Return to me and I will return to you”- many blame their failings upon God, or are angry with God because out of His great love their sin has been exposed. Two things must happen when a person falls into sin:

 

1.      He/She must repent

2.      He/She must agree to restoration of ones personal life and reconciliation/restoration with those who have been sinned against.

The restoration process will fail if a person is unwilling to do either or both.

                  #   False repentance is evident when a person wants to limit or  control

                      the process with conditions concerning whom forgiveness should

                      involve and which sins are to be repented. (ie the betrayed spouse,

                      victim children, the deceived employer, accountability group leaders,

                      church leadership,counselors,etc.)

                   #  True restoration begins when the one being restored has confessed all

                       sin to all who have been sinned against and those over seeing their

                       healing.

Gordon MacDonald writes in his book (Rebuilding Your Broken World) “There are no words to describe the inner anguish of knowing that you have disappointed and offended God, that you have violated your own integrity, and that you have betrayed people who you really love and care for”

                    #  The sinning individual needs to view his/her life from this perspective

                         or restoration cannot occur. vs (Shielding our heart thru denial)

                    #  Full repentance is hard, painful, and exposing, but the reward is free-

                        dom from enslavement to sin, a deeper relationship with the Father,

                        and the possibility for true intimacy to occur with others (spouse).

 

2. Consent to The Healing Process- are you willing to give up your sin and submit to the process scrutinized and guided by others. (Accountability)

1. Honesty- healing is hindered and quenched if you continue to commit to secrecy your sinful weaknesses. God is not hindered by our weaknesses; he is limited by our dishonesty quote from the book “Restoring the Fallen” (Self-deception needs the objective eye of another to monitor) “Confess your sins one to another…” Jam 5:16
2. Yieldedness- consent to the healing process is not really consent unless there is a trust and a following through on the advice and direction given by those to whom you have submitted. (ie counselor, support group leader, church authority, pastor, etc)
3. Toying with your weakness towards specific sin- break the habit of coming right to the edge of sin and then trying to keep temptation at bay or justifying that it’s not as bad as what I use to do!  Ex. Driving by an adult book store, driving near her/his home, listening to messages on 1-800 numbers, watching movies hoping to see a glimpse of …., calling or e-mail people you have sinned with just to see if they're still around (the opportunity is still available), etc
4. Burning bridges- it is not uncommon to yearn or lust for one last look, or contact, or drink, or joint… etc. (Ex. Keeping phone numbers you should destroy, not completely cutting off all lines of communication and contact, keeping the internet or the cable in your home without controls or accountability, not separating yourself from friendships and circles that foster temptation.
5. All options to sin must be cut off & ruled out- if the option remains open in your mind the danger and probability of relapse is inevitable.Accountability is essential to keeping your promises to God, yourself, and others. You need the help of trusted others (accountability partner(s), church leaders, spouse, peers, counselors, etc.) to carry this out faithfully. They will help remind you of the truth…. Romans 6:21-23 “What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
6. Other areas of sin and brokenness- openness to addressing other areas seemingly unrelated, both past and present, may be necessary to get at the root of the behavior that has become our bondage.  (ie. childhood wounds, parenting failures,stewardship issues, co-dependency, anger outbursts, controlling outcomes. Quote from Leanne Payne “Restoring the Christian Soul through Healing Prayer” Neither time nor distance can erase the consequence of sin, but only by bringing sin to the light of the cross can its consequences be redeemed in our life.  We must trust those who have gone down this path of deliverance and restoration before us. We must learn to hear the Holy Spirit saying, “This is the way walk in it.” We need to ask sincerely of our Father, “lead me where complete and full repentance needs to occur.” Repentance is an event, but also a lifetime commitment. Ps 51:10 “Create in me a pure heart, Oh God and renew a right spirit within me.” “Try me and see if there be any wicked way in me.” Ps 139:23-24
7. A willingness to suffer- restoration can be a very painful process, because sin causes painful consequences. We at IDM like to use the analogy of peeling an onion. As one layer of repented sin and its consequences are healed, we have a honeymoon period, and then the Holy Spirit out of faithfulness and love reveals a more deeper layer; someone else we have hurt, something else we have done wrong, and the consequences thereof.   “Our hope is that we can just get on with our lives!”  But to avoid the pain is to avoid addressing that which is necessary for healing and freedom!  There are no shortcuts! Dennis Stranges, a friend, related to me one day the good thing is  “It doesn’t get any easier than it is today to deal with our sin!” Resistance to the Lord’s grace and the Holy Spirit’s leading only causes a greater hardening of our heart and greater difficulty in hearing God’s guiding voice.

 

3. Full Disclosure – secret keeping allows the person who has sinned to perpetuate sinful patterns because limited discloser keeps him/her in denial about the full impact and damage of their sin.  It hinders the healing that should occur with the individual, the family, the church, etc. and prevents the Lords model for restoration from being revealed and His mercy and grace from being enjoyed. Ps 34:8 “Taste and see that the Lord is Good”

1. Shielding hurt- If disclosure causes others pain we rationalize the loving posture is to spare them from the consequences of complete honesty. Sharing part of the truth because it may hurt others (family members, etc.) usually involves more lies to cover up. There becomes no end to this cycle of deception. Co-dependency tries to predict, moderate, and minimize the outcome of those who would be affected by the full disclosure of sin. Eph 4:25 “Each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.” People will always be hurt by honest confessions of sin. The source of hurt is not in the confessing but the sin itself.

2. The facts, not the Gory details- Full disclosure of sin is critical in order for there to be full healing. All facts must be brought into the light. Hiddeness and partial repentance are the seeds that continue to sprout into a garden of greater bondage. Ex. To say to your spouse I’ve had an affair when the whole truth is you are meeting prostitutes and visiting massage parlors is an attempt to minimize the problem, avoid the embarrassment and shame, and control the consequences of your sin. Ex To confess one struggles with pornography is not the same as disclosing I’m on the internet two or three times a week for hours at a time jeopardizing my job and the support for my family. Num 32:23 “…be sure your sin will find you out.” *Sometimes men under extreme conviction will want to rid themselves of the weight of guilt and get caught up in describing specific details in their confession such as positions, the types of clothing, body parts, sounds, etc. These details are erotic descriptions of sin, not confessions of sin itself.

D.         Freedom- is guaranteed if these things occur…

      Reconciliation with God & Others

      Yield to the Healing Process

      Commit to Full Disclosure